2 down.

Another successful day. Day 2 out of 364 is complete. Horrah! 

Dave is more confused than ever about what I'm trying to accomplish, and although his only intent is to be supportive of me in this endeavor, he has  been asking me constant hypothetical questions about what I will or will not consume in the next year. To clear things up I made a list... on the back of a birthday card...and signed it... to make it seem more official.

I've been away for almost a month- spent a couple weeks in Edmonton, a week near Cranbrook, then a few days in Castlegar. It was a fun filled month, but by the time the drive home rolled around I was so done with being away from home. Being with my parents for the month was lovely- my only complaint is that my father will indulge my every whim, and because of that I ate a ridiculous amount of icecream. I was feeling ready for a big change, and as Dave and I drove we talked about my goal and how I would accomplish it. Once we started getting specific I needed to write things down. The only paper I could find was the birthday card my mom had just handed me, and so, as we drove, I used a purple pen to fill in 3 columns. These should clear things up to those interested in the specifics of the year.

< than

*dairy *meat *carbs

This has less to do with the "challenge" and more to do with a goal of healthy eating.

NO GO

*Pop *chips *candy *pastries *cookies *pie *doughnuts *icecream *fries *cake *cheesecake *chocolate *deep fried fast food (burgers, fried chicken, breaded fish, etc) *slurpees

This list may seem a bit redundant, but there are general foods that I'm avoiding, as well very specific ones, so I just needed to include those things on the list.

Ok

*Popcorn *Sugar free fruit crisps

I decided that I needed a bit of room for indulgence in not so bad stuff. These will be my 2 snacky-treats for the next year. I just couldn't bare the thought of going a year without crisps made from our apple & pear trees and the blackberries in our neighbourhood. It may take some creativity, but I will figure out a way to enjoy those crisps! As for popcorn- my sister got me a stovetop popcorn maker for my birthday. I decided it is a great/ not so bad thing to snack on from time to time. I will need to monitor my intake of these things to make sure I'm not just replacing every other treat with these 2. 

Comeback Tour - September 2012

I've been on a bloggie break for the last few months. Technical difficulties combined with a busier than usual life meant no blogging for me. But I've been craving it lately, and I'm excited to climb back on the wagon. 

I will take some time to tell you about the newest member of the Wight family, and her wonderful arrival some time soon. For now, let me just tell you that she is amazing. Her name is Violet June, and she is a bundle of peaceful perfection. 

Today, though, let me fill you in on my challenge. It's been brewing in my head for a while now, and I'm really excited to finally have the guts to commit. 

I'm not sure where to start in explaining my goal, and the intentions behind it...

I suppose I will start by explaining that I have a list- I guess you can call it a bucket list- but I believe I have entitled it "List of things to do before I die," or something like that.

Go skydiving - CHECK. Attend an Olympic event - CHECK. Have kids - CHECK. 

On this list there is an unchecked box next to the phrase "Go 1 year without sugar." The first time Dave saw this list he pointed that one out and said "Do you know how hard it is to go without ANY sugar? There's sugar in everything." This discouraged me. He said that there is sugar in bread, that fruit have natural sugars in them, and that it would be really hard for me to avoid it all. I tried to defend my goal, and said "I don't mean THAT kind of sugar." But he was right- I'd written down "Go 1 year without sugar" and I wasn't sure if I would be able to achieve my goal. I've thought about that goal lots over the past few years, and I've come to the conclusion that I wrote the goal down, so I get to decide what it means to me. 

So here is the real/revised/ what I meant all along GOAL:

I, ALISON WIGHT WILL

GO 1 YEAR (minus 1 day) WITHOUT JUNK FOOD

STARTING SEPTEMBER 5th, 2012, AND ENDING SEPTEMBER 4th, 2013
(when I bite into my birthday cake).

That is all! I've decided to do it now for a few reasons. 

First of all, sometimes a dare is all I need. As a kid I could have absolutely no desire to do something (ie- get out of the hot tub and roll around in the snow... brr- shivers down my spine just thinking about it), but if a dare was issued something in me would snap, and I would just put my head down and get it done. I don't know if that same thing snapped when I wrote down my "no sugar" goal, but I just feel like I need to do this. I feel that same 'snow-on-hot-skin' exhilaration every time I think about this challenge.  

I guess the second big reason for committing to this is that a friend has challenged me to run a half marathon next June. Although at first it terrified me I thought it through and realized that I have time. I have enough time to train properly- and as long as I have trained there should be no problem. I can do it! With this goal in mind, the wheels started turning, and I started to think about my own body, and how I would like to feel a year from now. It may seem naive to some (ie: ANYONE I've ever mentioned it to) but I was absolutely shocked when I heard that weight loss was 80% diet, and 20% exercise. I was always under the impression that I as long as I was active it didn't matter what I ate. 2 pregnancies and an adoration for anything sweet have proven to me that the amount of activity I do will NEVER be enough to prevent me from gaining weight if I don't change my diet. 

Because I have committed to get active, and be in shape, I decided that I wanted my body to reflect that. I now know that if I continue to eat the way I do that I will continue to look the way I do- even if my heart and lungs are feeling better. It just feels like a good time to cut it all out. 

The third reason is less about my body, and more about unhealthy patterns I have recognized in my life. As mentioned before I really love food. It plays a big part in my life. It's how I get through my 2 pm energy crash, it's how I entertain myself on evenings Dave isn't home, it's how I reward myself after a busy day, how I connect with friends, how I show love to my husband, and I think most disturbing of all, it is how I deal with emotional distress. Some people lose their appetite when they are upset- mine triples. I want to clear my life of these unhealthy patterns, while clearing my body of these unhealthy toxins. 

I know as soon as I post this people will tell me all the things that are wrong with this plan- but I'm going to tell you now, that I don't care about those things. I know that there are other plans out there- plans that will be a more effective way to lose weight, maybe plans that would allow me to still enjoy treats while achieving my other goals, plans that would detox my system in less time, and plans that would deal with my compulsive eating habits... but this is my plan! And this is exactly what I want to do. I'm really looking forward to how I will feel 1year from now. 1 day down, 363 to go, and I'm feeling great!

Nap Time.

I woke up today exhausted. I made a blurry eyed attempt at my day- showered, ate, made plans, etc, but after complaining enough and rubbing my eyes for several minutes in a row, I was banished, by my dear husband, to bed. I slept for 4 HOURS! I don't think that should be humanly possible for a... well... human to sleep for that long after a relatively good night's sleep, but for me it was oh so possible- and delightful. With the window open and a small breeze blowing through the room I snored the day away, and woke up when Dave had already put Roland down for an afternoon nap. 

I have always been a napper. It's one of my joys in life. You may think I'm just being dramatic by calling it a "joy." But I think I'm being quite accurate when I say that having a nap in the middle of the day is one of my favorite experiences in life. 

I come by it naturally. In all my years of life I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever seen my dad make it through a church meeting without falling asleep. Considering we went to church EVERY SUNDAY- that is a pretty reliable stat. I've seen my dad fall asleep mid-sentence. He can sleep anywhere- including behind the wheel of a car- but that's too frightening to think about. I remember being so frustrated when he would be the one to read me a story at night because he would without fail fall asleep halfway through. 

Although, I can remember falling asleep every day in kindergarten through grade 2 at story time. We'd all sit down in a semi-circle around Madame Soucy, who would hold up a book and begin to read. I would feel my head begin to bob before the first page was done. By the time they started showing us movies in school my head would drop to the desk minutes after the lights went out. There are movies that we watched (2001 Space Odyssey, Last of the Moheekans) that I know I sat through, but I can barely remember the opening credits. 

One summer I was a camp counselor at Especially for Youth. I did the Vancouver session, played for a week on Vancouver Island, then did 2 Calgary sessions. I think that basically meant that I was awake for a month straight. On the Saturday afternoon between Calgary sessions, as we prepared for the coming week, and recovered from the last, a group of counselors all sat together in a room- talking and snoozing. I fell asleep. Semi-consciousness would wave over me every once in a while to notify me that I was surrounded with a different group of people, but I was incapable of engaging with any of them. I was there, drifting in and out for hours. Eventually I heard one of my friends who I had originally sat down with re-enter the room and say "She's still sleeping? She's like a cat!" And though I don't think I was even able at that point to acknowledge what he had said I still think about it sometimes. I think it's hilarious. 

One time I was dating a guy who just didn't understand naps. He would get annoyed when I would need a nap. I was complaining about it to my darling friend and she looked at me, shrugged her shoulders, and said "He just doesn't understand that you are part sloth." Also- hilarious.

I'm not sure that a cat or a sloth are animals that I like being compared to. But the truth of the matter is that I loves my naps. And I've found a man who understands my need for them. I'm grateful that Dave can sense when the only cure is a nap. And I'm grateful that sometimes he joins me for them. 

blogger's guilt. the 1st.

So I somehow ended up at my blog via a different site, and found that there is actually a convenient little list of all of the posts I've entered- even the ones I haven't published. This one was written MONTHS ago, and I thought that I had deleted it by accident. I was so frustrated that I just turned the computer off and walked away, not even trying to retrieve it. But since I found it I MIGHT AS WELL share it, right? Here she is- the original 'blogger's guilt' post. 


I have a question. Do I have to blog everyday to be a blogger?
What if I only sit down at the computer once a week with the intent to blog, and only publish those attempts half of the time? This was one of the reasons I was hesitant to begin blogging in the first place: Bloggers guilt.
The truth is that I think about this blog often. Daily. Possibly hourly? I've started thinking in blog titles. And yet I don't make it to this point often enough. 'Why,' you may ask, don't I blog more often if so much of my thoughts are here?
Is it that I don't have time to spend staring at a screen? Well... no. That's not it. If that were the case I wouldn't be able to spend way too long, everyday, staring at those certain sites that have me secured with their flaxen cord.

So, it's not about time. Then what is it about? Part of it, I know is the fact that I love a good blog with plenty o' pics to break up the text. Not that a well written blog... or a well written anything, for that matter, should need pictures. But that' just what I like to see! So because I like to see it- I like to do it. I hesitate to share a post without having some sort of illustration/photo/graphic to back up my words. And sometimes waiting for my camera to load... or remembering after I've sat down that the camera is upstairs on the counter, while I have plunked myself down if front of our archaic computer downstairs is just enough to push me past my desire to blog, and into my desire to veg... upon one of the previously eluded to sites.
Besides the effort of the photo retrieving/uploading/editing/posting is the effort of the writing of the blog (not to be confused with the running of the bull). I think the point of me writing a blog is that I really enjoy writing. I think. And while I like to write I am not a speedy writer. I probably read each sentence on average 4 or 5 times before I click on the ever orange "publish post" button. Upon reflection, and now that I've read that sentence over 3 times, I'm re-estimating my reread of each sentence at closer to 8 or 9.  
So while I may not be a frequent blogger- please know that I am a blogger at heart.

Shut the craft up.

This morning I walked out of the house to find some friends weeding my garden. Needless to say I had tears in my eyes as I drove away. I'm grateful for people who act. My mind is full of good intentions... but unfortunately I lack follow through. I am so lucky to have people in my life, as well as to be married to someone, that acts on promptings they receive. Thanks Friends.

Flower Garden.

I've been wanting to put up a wreath on our door for months (since I took down our Christmas wreath, in fact) but I just haven't found something that's what I want. I finally got an image of what I wanted to make while in Walmart yesterday. I started it last night, and finished it this afternoon. I must say- I love it. With the newly weeded garden, freshly cut lawn, and brand spanking new siding finished on the side of the house it's a perfect way to finish off the lovely view as you walk up our driveway. 

Welcome to the Wight House!

I always like seeing other people's step by step process of crafts in picture form, but I never have enough confidence in what I'm doing to take pictures at each step. I can't stand it when people look over my shoulder at what I'm doing, and I feel like that's what I would be doing... to myself? Anywho- I'll explain what I did- because I love how it turned out!

1. I took a frame that was actually quite thin- probably a boarder of about 1 cm. I cut out some cardboard matting. to increase the width of the boarder.

2. Using a hot glue gun to secure the end I just wrapped jute around the frame. It took a while to get a knack for it, and to decide how I liked it, but eventually I decided that I liked a flat, orderly sort of look, versus a mish-mash look. The corners were tricky, and I did each one differently, but decided I liked the ones showing the best. 

3. I used acrylic craft paint to paint the wooden 'W' I'd purchased at walmart for about a buck. 

4. With scraps of fabric I've used in other projects (remnants of the bunting in Roland's room & scraps from his blankie) I made little fabric flowers. They are easy peasy to make- just cut out circles, fold them into quarters, and glue them into the shape of a flower. I swirled and glued the jute for the centers of each flower. I was planning on using buttons, but I liked how this looked more. 

5. I hot glued everything into place! 

6. I finished it by tying a loop of jute and hanging it from the hook I placed on our door at Christmas. It looked a bit sloppy for my liking (hence why you can't see it in the first picture) so I think I'll replace to loop with ribbon - an easy fix.

I just love getting my craft on!

Scatter Sunshine

The other day a friend dropped me off at home, and while opening the door she looked at our yard and said "Nice flowers." It's true. The flowers in our yard are nice... in fact, they are beautiful. The tulips, daffodils & hyacinth are in full bloom and look lovely.  The yellows, pinks & purple contrast beautifully and I just adore them. The problem is that she didn't stop there. She said it, and then she said "nice weeds," as she kicked a weed that was growing so well it had made it's way out of the flower bed and onto the driveway. It was said in passing. And probably in fun. But I didn't find it funny. I wonder what my face looked like when she said it. I think my jaw probably dropped, and then I recovered with a little laugh and some lame excuse, before grabbing Roly out of the car, and going inside without a backward glance. 

I know I blew things out of proportion, as I tend to do these days, in my ridiculously sensitive state, but what she said made me so mad. I just kept thinking "Why did she have to say that? Has she seen my life? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" Ultimately I realized that I wasn't mad that she told me there were weeds in my garden. I was mad that I knew there were weeds in my garden, and I was too overwhelmed to deal with them. I was mad that she didn't acknowledge how tough it would be to do all the weeding for such a large garden. I was mad that no one had offered to help me weed that said garden. 

I have a very active little boy, and a very active little fetus and the thought of weeding the front garden just scared me. I couldn't wrap my head around how to get out there, with Roly in toe, and get this done without him running into the street. I put forth some piddly little attempts, which would last about 20 minutes while Roland would stay close to me, digging in the dirt, and helping me weed, until he would get bored and start venturing out past the flower beds and closer and closer to the street.  A couple of those attempts got a single corner of the yard weeded... I'd say 1/8 of the total that needed to be done. 

A few days later one of Dave's friends dropped by and made some crack about our "Garden of Weeden." Well that was just salt in my open wound, and I tried not to let it show, but yet again I found myself wondering if anyone had considered how the dickens I was supposed to get this done.

I just wanted someone to consider the following: Roland sleeps until 7:30 or 8:00 am. From that time forward, until 8:00 pm he is essentially by my side, running away from me at high speed, or in my arms. He has become a good little napper, but the truth is, so have I. I tend to nap during the day when he does, and if I don't I tend to feel a bit of exhaustion border-lining hysteria by about 6 pm. So to get myself through the day without a snap, I nap. So, I can spend about 20 minutes at a time in the front, which does approximately nothing. And if I wait long enough in between weeding, the attempts I've made are already grown in with more weeds, that match the rest of the yard. 

So that day, after Dave left I decided I'd waited long enough. I got my butt in gear, and went out to do some weeding while Roland slept. I accomplished a lot more in that short time, without worrying about my little munchkin running in front of a city bus, than I had in previous attempts. When Dave and his friend got back his friend was quick to point out the progress. He said it looked great, and went on to say that it was good for me to spend time on my hands and knees, as it encourages baby to be in the right position during labor. A simple comment. But it really brightened my day. He acknowledged my attempt, and encouraged me to do more.  

Well, that explanation took much longer than I thought it would... apparently I'm not over it! But most of this is beside the point. What this situation really got me thinking about was the people in my life that scatter sunshine, that fill my mind with hope and happiness... vs. the people that leave rain clouds... and piddle on my parade.

I had a conversation with a friend a while ago which has stuck with me. We were talking about her mother in law: a beautiful, confident, creative individual, who my friend greatly admires and knows cares about her. In a moment of feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated my friend wondered aloud why her mother in law had never expressed words of encouragement to her. "She has never told me I'm a good mother, or a good wife, or a good cook. She never tells me what we are doing right." My friend was wishing that someone would spread a little sunshine, and acknowledge her sacrifice. Her mother in law is one of the most stylish and talented ladies I've ever met, yet when the people around her needed to feel the confidence she seemed to exude she wasn't able to share it. I couldn't help but contrast her mother in law with another woman I know- my Aunt Trish. Trish is a beautiful, creative, amazing woman. Her house will forever be one of my favorite places in the world, made better only by being in her presence. Here's the thing about Trish- she is hilarious, full of this self degrading humour that perhaps only our family understands and an honesty which I greatly admire, but more than that, when she speaks she builds. She uses the word "perfect" to describe my actions way to often for it to be true, but enough for me to feel really great about what I'm doing when I'm with her. She allows other people to feel good about their attempts, which encourages them to go on, to try again, and to try really hard to live up to the words she has already used to describe them. She has amazing children, with that same ability. I admire her, and love her, and I appreciate all the sunshine she has brought into my life. 

So, in reflecting on these different people- the parade piddlers and the sunshine spreaders I just wonder which  one I am. Am I building people up? Am I encouraging them to do more and be better? Or am I using confidence as a guise to hurt others and inadvertently tear them down? Do people I come in contact with want to hear what is going to come out of my mouth? Or do my friends and family take cover when I'm about to speak? Can I see past the weeds enough to point out the flowers? Do I point out the weeds without realizing that someone is doing all they are capable of in that moment to get rid of them? Am I tearing others down in my own attempts at humour or attempts to build myslef up? 

Do I encourage? Do I uplift? Do I inspire? 

I hope so. I am going to work on doing so. I want my friends, my neighbours, and more than anyone else, my family- my husband & children, to feel like when they are with me they are capable of doing anything, that all attempts are good enough. I don't want feelings of discouragement, insecurity, hopelessness or fear to be brought on by words that I speak. 

It might seem hokey... but I'm going to insert the lyrics to a hymn, which I've been humming to myself since I started writing this. It really just describes how I feel perfectly. 

Scatter Sunshine

Hymn #230, by Lanta Wilson Smith.

http://www.lds.org/churchmusic/detailmusicPlayer/index.html?searchlanguage=1&searchcollection=1&searchseqstart=230&searchsubseqstart=%20&searchseqend=230&searchsubseqend=ZZZ

In a world where sorrow
Ever will be known,
Where are found the needy,
And the sad and lone;
How much joy and comfort
You can all bestow,
If you scatter sunshine
Everywhere you go.

Scatter sunshine all along your way;
Cheer and bless and brighten
Every passing day;
Scatter sunshine all along your way;
Cheer and bless and brighten
Every passing day.

Slightest actions often
Meet the sorest needs,
For the world wants daily
Little kindly deeds;
Oh, what care and sorrow
You may help remove,
With your songs and courage,
Sympathy and love.

When the days are gloomy,
Sing some happy song;
Meet the world's repining
With a courage strong;
Go with faith undaunted
Thro' the ills of life;
Scatter smiles and sunshine
O'er its toil and strife.

One of those days...

I woke up this morning with sunshine all around me. Today is one of those gorgeous spring days that I crave throughout the rest of the year. Sunshine, blossoms, green grass & still. While I was in the shower I kept thinking about how badly I wanted pancakes and by the time I was dressed, in my springiest dress, Dave had read my mind and made them. They were delicious... but sitting down to eat set us back, causing the last few minutes before church to be a mad rush. There was sunshine all around me, and I had absolutely nothing to complain about, but a dark cloud was forming in my mind; I was grouch. 


Church was fine. Roland was well behaved, and Dave took him out when he could sit for no longer. Dave and I sat together in Sunday school... maybe for the first time since we've been married? It's been a LONG time since neither of us were teaching primary on Sunday. We even got to hold a lovely little baby - a perfect little boy for a few minutes. Dave put his arm around me, and even gave me a smooch when I went off to Relief Society. 


I hate sharing this, because it makes me seem crazy. I feel like I'm a pretty level headed human being, but at times as a woman... and more often as a pregnant woman especially, I am an emotional being! I have these days where attacks of emotion cause a constant lump in my throat that is impossible to explain away. Today was one of those days. A simple comment, made in passing, with a smile on the face of this sweet woman that I visit teach hurt my feelings and brought the lump into my throat. We were talking about my due date, and she laughed and said "are you sure there's only one in there?" Good one. It hurt my feelings for a few reasons- maybe because I'm feeling (and thought I was looking) pretty dang good - I still fit into normal jeans. I've been active- walking, biking, swimming. I was on skype a few weeks ago and someone said it looked like I'd lost weight (obviously not true, but it was nice to hear). So that comment, made in innocence, just a lady trying to crack a joke cracked my sun shiny glasses, and let the clouds roll in. It was fast Sunday, and although I wasn't fasting (ie: previously mentioned pancakes) I was trying to be respectful to the people around me, and refrain from the constant drinking of water, and snacking that I've become accustomed to. The nauseous head ache had set in, and I was irritable.


I sat there for the rest of Relief Society, hearing a wonderful lesson about the worth of souls. It was beautiful, but I felt disconnected. The teacher asked for comments about a specific circumstance; one I had found myself in in the past, and had got through with the Savior's help. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to comment. I just wasn't feeling it. 


By the time we got home from church I was done emotionally. Dave was being sweet. He took over prep for supper, while I made lunch... but a few simple comments from him landed me in bed with a tear stained pillow. They weren't mean comments, not even offensive on a normal day: some constructive criticism about the dinner rolls I had made the day before, and some poking fun at my spelling on the list of Japanese words on our fridge- but to me in that moment, I just couldn't handle it. I ate lunch begrudgingly, then went to bed for a few hours, leaving Dave to make supper, put Roland down and get Roland up... yes I outnapped my 19 month old. But I woke up with a new perspective and apologies on my lips. 


I hate it when I get like this, but I don't know how to stop myself. I remember the feeling, as a teenager- just screaming at my mom, slamming the door, then thinking "I don't even know why I did that. I'm not really that mad." I thought I'd get over those hormonal outbursts as I got older. It happens about once a month when I'm not pregnant, and way too often while I am, that my emotions get the best of me. That I am irritable, and angry, quick to take offense, and quick to dish it out. Like I said before, I think of myself as a pretty level headed human being... but on days liek today it doesn't take much to tip the scales one way or the other.


One day a few months ago Dave was in another room, and I called to him. 
He came out, looking concerned and said "What?" with a tone of fear and remorse. 
"Nothing." I replied, "I was just wondering... " 
But then I thought for a second, and said "What did you think I was going to ask you?" 
He admitted he thought he was in trouble for something. I laughed and apologized that he lived in constant fear of his wife. 
He smiled and said "It's not constant fear. Only when you're pregnant, or have your period."
I thought for a few seconds... at that point in our lives together that came to about 3/4 of our marriage that Dave had spent in fear of this old lady. Poor Dave.


I don't know what today's lesson is. Perhaps that I need to have lunch and take a nap a little sooner next time? Perhaps that I need medication and counselor? Maybe that I need to wear a sign around my neck on days like today that reads "If you talk to me I'll probably start crying. Approach at your own risk." And maybe this is it. My life I mean. Maybe this is who I am, and what I need to learn to deal with. Something I need to deal with without burning bridges and hurting the feelings of those I love every 4 weeks, or for 9 months straight every couple of years. I guess, this is another opportunity that I have to go to the Lord, and say that this experience is more than I can tackle on my own. With His help maybe I can get through it all- with less tears, less tearing remarks, and more love. 
I hope so (and I'm pretty sure Dave hopes so too).